What Emmett does on Vacation
by Soccerdog12
Summary: Emmett gets into some trouble while in Florida. Palm fronds and convenience stores? Running form the police? Rosalie isn't going to bail him out of this one.
1. The Phone Call

We were all in Florida

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Wonderful World of Twilight, which, coincidentally presides right next to the Wonderful World of Disney, which I also don't own. **

We were all in Florida. When I say all, I mean _everyone_. Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Edward, and I were all in Florida visiting Renee on a cloudy week before the wedding. Only, Emmett was currently missing in action.

_Ring! Ring! Riiing!_

Rosalie glances at her phone and her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. She must have deemed the person worthy of hearing her voice for she then flips it open. "Hello?"

I glance at Alice. She is giggling hysterically.

"You're _where_?" say Rosalie into the phone.

I turn to Edward. He has a strange look on his face. Almost like he doesn't know whether to laugh out in manically or hang his head in shame.

"And you got there _how_?"

I swing my head back to Rosalie. Her voice alternates from being loud and aggravated sounding to silent and glaring. Man, if looks could kill, I'm not even sure immortal vampires would be safe. She looks like she's going to crush the phone. She's holding THAT tightly. This can not be good.

"What made you do _that_?! You've done some interesting things in the past, but this must top the list as one of the most stupid! How could you be such an idiot?!"

I look again at Edward.

"Who is it and why does Rosalie look like she would gladly rip them to pieces?" I whisper to him.

Edward leans down to me to whisper in my ear. I'm not really sure why though, since everyone here is a vampire and has super vampire hearing. Maybe he was hoping to be quiet enough that Rosalie wouldn't hear over all her yelling. Who knows?

"It's Emmett. Apparently, he's gotten himself into some trouble."

"What could he _possibly_ have done that got Rosalie this pissed at him?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

Rosalie makes another outburst, though this one...well, it's never something I thought I've ever hear from Rosalie.

"Oh, no you di'int."

She even does the finger wag. Why would she do that if he's not here to see it? Does she think that if she does it hard enough, it might somehow reach him? Or is she just trying to put someone's eye out? Whatever makes her feel better, I guess.

I turn to Edward and motion for him to continue.

"Yes, Emmett has done some...rash...acts in the past, but this is the first time he's landed himself in jail." He looks past me as if remembering all the pranks the Emmett has pulled off in his long lifetime.

"Wait! He's in _jail_? He's a vampire. How did he get caught?!" I screech. Yes, that's right. _Screech. _

"Emmett McCarty Cullen! You just wasted your only phone call because I am NOT bailing you out of this one mister!" With that, Rosalie slammed shut the phone and threw it on the floor. I'm not sure, but I thin there is not a dent in the bottom of the car about the same size a Razr phone.

Anyway, I pick it up so it doesn't get stepped on. I am also hoping that Emmett will call back. I need to hear what he has to say about this. Strangely enough, as soon as I thought that, it started to ring in my hands.

_Ring! Ring! Riiing!_

"Emmett?" I say, answering the phone.

"Bella?" says Emmett. He's sounds surprised. Did he honestly think that Rosalie would answer his call again?

"Yeah, it's me. Now, I know you're in jail. What I don't understand is how you got there." Edward looks at me and rolls his eyes, almost like he knows the answer I'm going to receive.

"Well, it all started when I saw this palm tree..."

v-v

**Okay, I came up with this when I saw a new bulletin on CNN. Sadly, this was based on a true story. What that story is about, well. You'll just have to wait and see now won't cha? **


	2. Pansies and Pains

**I would like to thank all who reviewed. **

**Edwardcullenissosexy, ****Eamc06, ****Cullens12, ****Skystripe, ****gagurl1021, and fieryspiritgurl. Thank you! You have no idea how much it means to me that you review! **

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight, Emmett, or his antics. **

v-v

Emmett POV

Well, it all started when I saw this palm tree...

I was just going for a walk down the street when this…this…_thing_ drops on my head. It was small, round, brown, and HARD. I look up to see where it came from and there is this tree with a bunch of the little brown balls.

"Stupid tree! No one drops stuff on Emmett McCarty Cullen's head!" I yell at it. This causes a little old lady, a dog, and I'm pretty sure a pansy to look at me. The pansy was even _glaring _at me.

So, I decided to extract my revenge on the tree. I look around and notice that the old lady has gone and I don't think the dog or pansy will reveal my secret.

I grab the tree and hoist myself up and shimmy all the way up. Once at the top, I proceeded to rip every brown ball from its home and throw it to the ground. The brown balls will suffer!!

"Hahaha! Not so tough now are you? How do you like be dropped on the ground?"

Then, I saw these green leafy branches. I decided to rip then down, too. They protected the brown ball thingies and must be punished!

"Stupid prickly leave branch...things! What are you you anyway?! You don't even know! Stupid things... Ow!" One of the protruding leaf thingies poked me in the eye. I think it somehow knew that I was calling it stupid. It might be running in the same crowd as the pansy. I'm gunna have to watch my back for those two.

I suddenly stopped ripping the leaf-branches off as I was starting to feel something inside my head. Owowow! What is this?! Could this possibly be a...a thought? Edward has describes thoughts to me, but I never understood them. Who knew they could hurt so badly? Wait. Oh, I think I like thoughts. This thought is a plan. Or, not so much a plan, as an idea. An idea for a prank. But not just any prank. If I could pull this off, it could just be the prankiest prank in the history of pranks! I would go down in history books as the greatest prankster in the entire world! Muwhahaha!

"Mr. Palm Fond, you might just be my new best friend."

The pansy just looked on.

The dog...well, I don't want to talk about it. It's not important.

v-v

**So, that's that. I'm mighty proud of myself. It might not be the greatest chapter ever, but it is my first ever real second chapter. Whoot whoot! Sorry Skystripe, but I never really go a clear reply from you on whether you wanted to Beta for this/me/whatever so I didn't send this to you to look over. However, if you send me something along the lines of 'You idiot! I told I wanted to Beta, you're just too stupid to realise it' I'll be happy to let you Beta for the rest of this or any other of my fics that you wish.  
Also, sorry for the slow update, but what can I say? I'm a procastinator. Plus, I went on vacation and then went away to Band Camp for a week. Plus, I'm not even supposed to be doing this right now. I REALLY hope my dad doesn't find out about this. If you want to yell at me, write a review saying I'm lazy and a terrible writer. At least it will be something. I'm bored out of my mind right now. 'Bye!  
Sdog12**


	3. Mission Impossible

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not the Simpsons, Mission Impossible, Goodwill, Walmart, or pansies. Or anything else I may have mentioned that has a freakin' copyright. How do you get those anyway? **

v-v

After climbing down the palm tree, I grabbed the largest, pokiest frond I could find and I fled the scene of the crime.

Well, not really. Nothing had _really_ happened except for me beating the crap out of a tree with attitude problems, but still…

So I left, ran to the closest Goodwill store I could find, and bought some clothes. But these weren't just regular pieces of clothing. Oh, no. These were the tackiest, most clashing clothes that could ever be put together. If Alice saw me now…well, she wouldn't have a heart attack, but she would probably rip these things to pieces and throw them in an incinerator. They were _THAT_ bad.

Anyway, so I bought some ugly clothes, consisting of mismatched black and navy socks, used sandals that were probably from the seventies, some plaid cargo shorts that were a _beautiful _shade of nasty throw up stuff, and a blue and white striped polo shirt. Put it all together and what do you get? Ug-a-ly.

Next, I ran to Walmart to get a pillow. I couldn't have people recognize me, now could I?

So, after getting the pillow, I changed into my new 'attire'_. _I then stuffed the pillow under my shirt to give myself a rounder look. I ccouldn't have people be recognizing me! This was my disguise!

Now, to find my target. Aha! Perfect! A lonely, unsuspecting convenience store. I wonder if there will be a little Indian guy in there. "Thank you, come again." Ah, the sweet pleasures of a stupid cartoon guy.

So, humming the Mission Impossible theme song to myself,

"Dum, dum, da, da, dum, dum. Da, da, duuuum, da, da, duuum…"

I snuck around to the side of the store. Luckily, no one was there to see me. Wait! Was that…? No, it couldn't be. There is no _way_ that pansy fallowed me all the way here. It didn't even know my plan! Oh, the evil.

So, trying my best to forget about the _stupid, no good, tattle-tale, sorry excuse for a flower, PANSY!!_ I buttoned the lame polo shirt all the was up and pulled it halfway over my head so it was stuck on my head and kinda gave me a Hunchback of Notre Dame look. Did you ever see that movie? Great movie. I always wanted to by a gypsy. Oh, well.

Then, taking the palm frond in hand, I sauntered around the corner and walked casually into the store.

v-v

**Oh my gosh, I am sosososososososo sorry. I haven't updated this in almost two months! I have no excuse. I actually give you all permission to beat me upside the head with the second to biggest stick you can find. Then, you may jab my in the eyes with sporks. I am a terrible person. Bad Soccerdog, bad. **

**Thanks to ****emmett edwardlover12, Skystripe, and edwardcullenissosexy for reviewing the last chapter. **

**Also, I would like to dedicate this chapter to my dad. It is his birthday today and he just cracked up when he heard that I was writing a fanfiction about this thing he showed me on youtube. **

**P.S. Thanks to Skystripe for Betaing this for me. :-)**


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